Summer’s here

For some reason, summer and I have never seen eye to eye.

I like the sun, I like the light, but my brain disagrees and my temperament seems to take a bit of a dip. I’m not sure what it is. The frustrating thing about mental issues is it simply comes down to what chemicals your brain deems fit to unleash upon you; I am sure there is some rationality behind why it always seems to happen at this time of year, but it is entirely unclear to me.

It is such a weird feeling. It is like an intense boredom mixed with strangely panicky insecurity with somewhere in the background a desperate but stifled urge to do something, but with no real suggestions as to what. I latch onto minor things and feel like I should stake my happiness on them, even though I’m perfectly aware that while viewing them so, their success still won’t really make me happy and their failure will only give me a reason to feel less happy.

I think I like winter more.

Edit: Apparently, reverse SAD is a thing. I wonder if the sunlight overstimulates some hormone production to the point that it causes anxiety. Anxiety with no obvious cause is something I can relate to a lot at this time of year.

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2 comments on “Summer’s here
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