run, fatboy, run

It had to happen one day. I went running. TWICE. The first time, in the morning, I ran to the park. It was my intention to run around the park too but I rather underestimated the whole thing. I looked on Google Maps and it’s about 0.7 miles. I probably ran too fast. It surprises me how hard it is. We have a stepping machine at home and I can do 40 minutes on that easily now, so I was expecting to be pretty okay with moderate running. I thought at least that I should not get out of breath quickly.

Anyway, then this afternoon I enlisted my sister and we both ran around the block. Twice. I say “the block”, but it’s actually more of a semi-circle. Well we alternated with walking. So we probably ran it once. By coincidence, it is also 0.7 miles. She also underestimated it and made me look cool and composed. This is what sisters are for.

I’M NOT FAT, I’M JUST UNFIT.

.

This whole film is my inspiration for trying to get fit.

in other news I had a dream last night in which I had rather graphic sex with Jennifer Aniston. I find this bizarre and also it is a testament to the incredible dullness of my character that I find it not the slightest bit exciting. Yes, I have erotic dreams about things apparently don’t even excite me. No offence Rachel Jennifer. I guess there was something about the homey intimacy of Friends that sapped all the erotic appeal from the characters. Or is that just me? It will probably be years until I have my next sexual dream, and I HAVE WASTED THIS ONE.

God the university news is so depressing. Everywhere it’s A LEVELS GETTING EASIER OMG or LOADS OF STUDENTS MISS OUT ON UNIVERSITY. It’s so sad. Many of them won’t simply re-apply next year because the fees will be at £9000 per year by then. Fortunately for me I have had the uncanny knack (slash blind luck) of getting the lowest grades possible for what I wanted to do next, which I only really managed to shake off completely by the time I did my master’s degree when I went to the other extreme. Up until then I was chancing it quite regularly and the prospect of failure was always just around the corner. I only just scraped into university and I would have been devastated had I not gone, and now look, I ended up with a 2.1 and a master’s with distinction in hard subjects, which is a perfectly respectable result, unlike my a-level grades. Who is anyone to say these people who just missed out shouldn’t go to university? IT IS NOT RIGHT. I wish I could help you all. But I can’t. I voted for them. It is partly my fault. I’m terribly sorry. It was a single moment of insanity and I shan’t repeat it.

Charlie Brooker ‘recommends’ lying on your CV. I don’t think it would help though. I have two very real degrees on mine and no-one ever bothered to respond to my applications.

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